So two things happened of late that have made me think about anger, at least with respect to how I express it and what triggers it.

Personally, I think anger a wonderful feeling. It’s got a clean feel, and carefully guided, it is really useful. It is powerful though, and if it comes up forcefully and with surprise it can easily cause trouble. The thing is, that since my recent doctor’s orders (it’s much harder to surpress the feeling at the moment), I get mad at some new things and — surprisingly to me — just don’t get mad at others.

For example, a woman pulled out of her parking spot on the edge of a very busy street without looking and plowed right into me as I was travelling along the street. Huge noise. Hit me right in the passanger door, scraped down the side of the car and pushed me into the next lane. Apart from momentary shock, I just didn’t care. I pulled in to the curb, got my information and waited for her to come up to the car. My main concern was that she was OK, and she was so I just got her information, went on to complete my errand (groceries) and then went home and reported it. I wasn’t even the littlest bit upset.

Then there was the woman at the Starbucks. Oh boy. I was at a mall (bad idea just before Christmas), I was tired and needed a coffee. I walked over to the Starbucks, lined up, asked for my tall dark roast, the barista pulled it, placed it on the counter in front of me, announcing what it was, and another woman reached in front of me a took it. She started to sip it, then complained to the person that it wasn’t right, and that it had too many gounds. The two people behind the counter said nothing (very carefully). My goodness, the rage I felt. Stupid, stupid woman. I turned to her and said, “it might be that it isn’t right because it isn’t yours.” I think it was more my tone than my words. She started to tear up. 

I suppose I should have felt bad but I have to say I didn’t. I just looked at her. I felt rage but at the same time my face felt expressionless. She put the coffee down and backed up. The barista took it and dumped it out and told her that the Christmas Blend (which is what she had asked for) would take a few minutes to brew.  The other employee gave me my new cup and I walked away.

I think the rage I felt was not so much at the situation but at the mindlessness and meanness of her behaviour. Amongst other things, I really don’t like people who make unnecessary difficulty for those who have to work menial jobs in the service sector. It seems such a venal thing to do. Anyway, I didn’t throw my coffee at her, so I suppose a verbal slap wasn’t too bad. It’s just that in the past I would have held my tongue because I know it won’t make any difference to how she comports herself, and in this I was right, because as I walked away I could hear her starting to complain about having to wait for her Christmas blend.

Getting mad at stupid people is sensible in many ways, but there are so very many that it might be a bit exhausting. At least I didn’t waste my coffee by dumping it down her front, I still have that much control.