May 1st, 2012
imagine that you
were in a dark space and around you dozens of simultaneous, but widely varied soundtracks and slide shows played, and invisibly there were perfumed trees moving around you. That’s what last night’s dreaming was like. I don’t remember much but there was a wondrous black and white dog, something to do with the beauty of power, the smell of a Neptune rose, the taste of ginger being like the opening of a chrysanthemum, and at some point I was swimming in a perfectly green lake. The water felt like the play of light inside a black opal.
Frack, that was great.
April 1st, 2012
whole days disappear
I’m working on a couple of big projects right now and it seems like I go inside a thought and when I look up the calendar has jumped forward 2 days.
Last night I looked up at 9PM. I’d been working since I got up at 5AM. Before that I had crashed, but dreamt about one of the ideas I’d been thinking about, and the power of the dream was so strong it slapped me out of sleep. I stumbled to my computer so I could get down the dream, and most importantly, the dream word that held the whole dream in its pieces.
I did that. Started reading and next thing I needed more sleep and it was 9PM. And here I am the next morning at 7:30 having worked since 5 and realizing it is April 1. Last I knew it was the 29th.
Har.
The mind.
Oh, the new word from my dream is “diplumyin”. It means (according to the dream) “the flowering of a child.”
January 9th, 2012
in a dreamy place
Since the end of December I’ve been in a kind of dreamy place. Not unpleasant, but definitely unproductive. I haven’t read much really, nor written much either and that has to stop asap since I have huge production deadlines coming up.
I’ve been wondering about the slow-down. I suppose part of it is just a natural ebb and flow, but I think there is something rooting in the dark of my head. I keep having weird-ass dreams, for one thing. For another, I keep getting surprised by these little snippets of language that seem most un-Mary.
I think I’ll probably need to do some automatic writing or something akin to that to pry it up. Don’t have any more time that I can really give to this dream state.
Oh well.
January 8th, 2012
dreaming about rigor mortis
I woke up this morning dreaming about rigor mortis.
The emotions in the dream weren’t bad, but rather I was explaining to someone why his idea of paving over the earth to make it easier to get around wasn’t a good idea. In the logic of dreams this explanation became a series of small explanations based on the body’s small interwoven systems and how, even if a small molecule seems like it might not mean much, if that little system went wrong, the who body would die. The last one that I was explaining was how muscles relax, and what happened when ATP stopped gaining and releasing those cute little phosphate tails.
There were other system explanations before that but ATP and muscle stiffing (called rigor), then the beginning of body-rot afterward was enough to wake me up.
Frack. The things I dream.
November 24th, 2011
dreaming dinosaurs
I know many of you dino-nuts out there may dream of dinosaurs but last night’s dream was a first for me. Now I’ve dreamt of dragons and other “monsters” but never dinosaurs.
I have to say it was a little scary. You can tell me what you think it means I should be doing if you like, but me I just think it means to watch out for those who don’t even know you’re there.
In the dream there is a huge (frakkin huge) carnivorous dino getting ready to munch on a smaller dino. This big guy was no T Rex with those claws. Instead the meat-eater had huge flat feet more like an elephant’s. (In the dream I saw them waaaaaaaaaaay too close up.) The big guy was lurking in a big open field surrounded by forest. It waits until the walking meat (the little guy) came near then spooked it so that it would run panicked. And it did. Like a dog, no weave, no evasive tactics, it just ran for its life. The big guy gave it a bit of a head start (much smarter than we normally think dinos were), then started after it. And just before the little guy got to safety – snap! Lunch achieved.
The scary part was that just near the end of that scene I find myself on the ground right where the little guy is going to come by. Yow! I drop to the ground, curl up and be as still as possible. The little guy flashes by and then the big one comes thunder running and that’s when I see the underside of that foot. Misses me. Barely. And just.
It was enough to jolt me awake.
In honour of the dino-kind, here is a great article on meat eating bird-dinos from It’s Not Rocket Science. The only way that dream could have been scarier is if the dino could fly after me. Yech. Just thinking about it gives me the willies.
November 23rd, 2011
thanks family for a wonderful dream Thanksgiving
I dreamt I was driving to Montana for dinner tomorrow with family. The dream was full of new babies, and young men that had been boys when I left the area 5 years ago. That all was fun. We had deer meet sausage for dinner. And kielbasa. And good bread. Cheese. Pickles. Bitterroot. So much food.
But the interesting part of the dream was that I travelled there in an old RV that had no brakes. I get there, careening around corners and down long roads with a rather tight grip on the steering wheel. Then I park and walk up to the house where we are all going to meet. I forget to lock the doors to the RV. So when I go back to it to get the groceries (which I thought I forgot), there is a white dog sleeping in the blankets at the back of the RV and both doors are wide open.
Everything is fine in the end – but not at all as planned – and what a willlllllllld ride.
and btw, I mean it. Thanks to the Montana/Washington/Idaho family for a wonderful dream Thanksgiving.
October 21st, 2011
poetry conference / day 3
Last night I dreamt in stanzas. Not kidding. Not very restful, but interesting.
I remember working on a short stanza, over and over. In the dream I kept repeating it, variations of it, working on it. I don’t remember now what it was. Not even a single phrase remains, not a word.
It doesn’t matter really, I doubt I dreamt any masterpiece. Still it tells me how deeply my mind has been infiltrated by all the words, words, words of all the poets reading, reading, reading.
Tomorrow is the last day, and part of me is looking forward to that so I can start processing some of what I have learnt.
I did hear these three read tonight (Martín Espada, Don McKay and Fanny Howe). Even after days of hearing wonderful poets read, these three just blew them all out of the water. It’s amazing the difference. I’ll have to think about that, what made their presentations so outstanding.
October 1st, 2011
more on Hecate, part 1
In this post I mentioned that Hecate has been a mythological mainstay in my life, and that partly because of a poetry reading I attended on the subject of Demeter and Persephone Hecate has become active in my subconscious again. Since then, I’ve been actively listening for Hecate, for that part of myself, that constellation of attitudes, behaviours, and perceptions which I give that chthonic archetype’s name.
I have learnt that one cannot rush listening and so it has been several days since Cathy asked me what Hecate said when I asked her to speak to me.
As for methodologies – I “speak” to my non-linguistic mind in much the same way other people do. I attend to the signals, the signs, that part of the body/mind “speaks” with: feelings, sensations, desires, hunches. I have some experience with Hecate from old dreams and so I already know the kind of environments that she constellates in dreams. Such environments are always liminal in some way and so I go to a shoreline, or wait for a day that is neither wet nor dry. Then I add things I sense Hecate likes: lavender and mustard; human silence and crow calls; safe harbours like a niche between two rocks or a pocket in a large tree. Then I wait. And listen to the world around me, and the world within.
It’s no science, but usually something comes and this time it was a question that quite startled me and based on that, and other, reactions, I “knew” it was Hecate speaking. The question was What would Hecate do with my body were she to take over? The sense of humour (I mean really WWHD instead of WWJD), a bit biting, a bit mean, told me she was present and attentive to my questioning even if she thought I was being obtuse. (Is there any better way to insult an atheist than compare one’s questions to a Christian icon?)
The question was asked a couple of days ago and since then I’ve been trying to answer it. I’ve been reading (and compiling a list of Hecate references in Classical literature). I’ve been paying attention to those little phrases that arrive through my fingers on a keyboard.
More on this later, but the very first answer that came was that she’d be (in my body) out walking the roads for the next decade or so. Even one as weak as I have become can go a very long way in 10 years of walking. The second thing that became clear is that Hecate is not human. This is critically important because I am human and so can only accommodate some of what she “needs”.
What she appears to be is a kind of mythocatalyst in the way the Na+/K+-ATPase is a biocatalyst. So for those of you whose eye’s just glazed, I’ll explain how that might work with respect to the narrative function in humans (it’s not that complicated) in the next Hecate post. The critical thing here is that Hecate seems to me to be a chemical/biological function that exists to regulate narrative expression and/or density or more simply she’s a pattern regulator—she keeps us snapped to the much larger world outside the (realistically still minor) conscious aspect of mind that delights in confusing narrative and reality. Of course since we often would rather slide away on a narrative stream instead of dealing with what is, she can be a real bitch when she does her utmost to force us back into a more stable (realistic) conformation with the world. But, to be honest, her ‘tude is much of what I like about her. And like the Na/K pump, without her we’d swell up and ultimately stop functioning.
Later.
September 24th, 2011
calling for Hecate help
I’ve dreamt about Hecate many times in my life but not recently. She is always dangerous, but like a “pet” lion, purrs something fierce and when she loves you, will crawl right up into your lap. Of course she, like a lion, is a bit big for a lap-kitty, but love is love.
I went to a poetry reading the other night. The author was reading from a new work of hers in which she explores the relationship between Demeter and Persephone and the consequences to each of them of Persephone’s capture, rape and later marriage to and by Hades. And does it in the setting of the contemporary world.
No comment on the poetry except that it was great and the reading was fun. But the poet’s perspective excluded Hecate, and while is perfectly fine to concentrate on two of the three women involved in that myth, I haven’t been able to let go of Hecate’s absence. In other words, she’s baaaaaaaaaaaack.
The question that bothers? What was Hecate thinking agreeing to (instigating?) that rape and forced marriage? She’s no kindly old lady, for sure. In fact, in some of my dreams she is a rather vicious young woman, at least when bothered or attacked. But kidnapping? By a guy she had to know was lonely, weak and not all that reflective and as a consequence would beat the crap out of his “wife” to be?
The woman I know from my dreams might be violent on occasion (in one dream she pushed this part of me off a spiral staircase to her death), but she is in no way a betrayer of women. A surgeon maybe. Anyway….
The help I am requesting is your knowledge and experience with the Hecate stories. There is something…..
In the comments here or email me—mary@tailfeather.ca
September 16th, 2011
dream travelling and the actual road
In the last few days I’ve been dreaming about travelling. I slide down the outside of a medieval tower on a stone slide (scary but I do it); I walk along the sear shore and ponder going down a steep dirt path to swim in the clear green water (to see a giant squid chasing a fish, and then fight with my dog – also scary); I slide down a giant slide in a book store and it takes me to a game area where there is this awesome game involving a train engine and a single car (no I idea what happens in the game but I am entranced).
Uhuh. Haven’t been able to concentrate on much either.
So I am heading out for a few days of travelling (by car, on actual road).
It has turned fall cool and slightly rainy here, perfect for highway driving. I’ll report in as I take my Starbucks breaks from the car.

