SubscribeFebruary 21st, 2012
erg
Today was one of those days that suck right from the beginning. Woke up in the middle of the night with nausea and just stayed feeling blech all day. Sat down in front of the computer mid-morning to try and do a little work, but apart from a few emails I just futzed around. Next time I looked up it was after 5. So I went out to get coffee and blackberries. Now it’s nearly midnight.
Meh.
Going to bed.
January 5th, 2012
been a bit ill
I’ve been a bit sick over the last few days. Constant headache, intermittent nausea, you know…sick.
I woke up a bit better today and the sky was clear so I headed north to Squamish to see the eagles soaring. Drove into a cloud and it was raining a bit, but it was exactly the right thing to do. After the first 20 minutes walking, despite getting wet, I felt so much better. Back home again not long before dark, the wellness still holds.
Wahooooo!
December 8th, 2011
underestimating exhaustion
Yesterday went by in a blink.
I did go on my little drive. That was lovely, in part because I just like driving, but also because at the end of it I received a gift of a new e-reader. Wahoooo! Guess what I did when I got home?
But still. I was really tired. So I went to bed at 7PM (no lie) and slept for about 12 hours. Feel much better today.
September 20th, 2011
have surfaced
after a day and a half down. Around 11:45 this morning my mind switched back on and I feel fine again. So now I am out at a street cafe writing this. I have a couple of books of poetry with me and have two appointments later today. I think I may have dinner out, perhaps at Whole Foods. They have an awesome veggie deli and buffet.
And it’s one of those sunny, warm September days, with just a hint of wood smoke and someone, somewhere baking with cinnamon. My daughter says it’s the kind of day that makes you want to whip out a knife and attack local pumpkins.
August 18th, 2011
the day began at 16:17
I woke around 03:00 and then again at 07:00 and then again at 08:00 and, after taking care of animal needs (mine and the pets), went back to bed.
Headache, nausea, sore body, throat itchy blahs.
At noonish, ate 3 cherries and drank some hot lemon tea and went back to bed.
At about 14:00 took the dog out, met more animal needs (cats get huuuuuuuuuungry when ignored), and ate some steamed carrots and green beans. Went back to bed.
At 16:02 took daughter to the grocery store (drove, me still in my night clothes). She went to the Starbuck’s inside the store and got me an Americano (here called a Canadiano). Hot black, a little sweet with nutmeg. She brought that out to the car for me to drink before she went back to get the groceries.
By 16:17 I felt a bit better, the headache finally receding, the nausea tamped. (Think I might be addicted?) So now, at 17:52 I am editing poetry and preparing for a submission.
The day has begun.
July 5th, 2011
there are just some days
Yesterday was one. I’ve had a headache for about 5 days now, mild but there. I can’t think. I feel like I’m in a cloud bank that alternates between cold and clammy and hot and humid. Meh.
I’m going out for a walk.
June 27th, 2011
returning to health
It has now been six weeks since my surgery and while I feel much stronger than I did when I came home I still have more bad days than good – by a rather substantial margin unfortunately.
Yesterday was good. I had a croissant and latte and my favourite patisserie very shortly after it opened at 7AM. During the day I finished the novel, saw the movie (it was good), went on 2 nice but short walks, had broccoli and hummus for dinner and the weather was really wonderful. And there was no pain.
Then there is today. I spent all morning just coping with stomach discomfort, to have it turn into downright pain this afternoon. I have a headache and have retreated to my bed. These are minor discomforts really, especially compared to the pain I had prior to surgery. What is really getting to me (I think) is the fear that all these minor things will add up to something horrible like another infection, and ultimately, more surgery.
They probably won’t of course, and I know that, but it’s the fear. It is, I suppose, part of the returning to health process. And realistically I am only just begun with that. It will be months yet before I can really expect any kind of normalcy. Oh well, at least I have no shortage of books and nice walks.
June 18th, 2011
melancholy
What is it about melancholy that, even a small thin wedge of darkness, can overwhelm the huge blue of a day?
The last couple of days have been slow and rather painful, in a dull niggling way. I’m tired of being ill, I suppose; tired of carrying myself instead of just walking around carrying nothing but my skin. It’s the price one pays for age and its attendant memory, I suppose.
That disconnect: the massive red of azalea occupying the whole horizon, that sea of rose swamping the nose, sometimes none of this is big enough to stomp down that small sequestered memory. And when that it true, when the hands of that memory reach out past its bars, the whole world folds up under the tiny thumb of its dark past.
It’s not regret, nor even a refusal of pain, its just a wiring problem. When that circuit locks, everything runs through the darkness and no joy, no awe can take first chair. But then, one day, it just lifts and the huge blue, is again the whole sky.
O the life we lead, we of chemical nature.
June 9th, 2011
btw
I feel much better today. The antibiotics are working.
Wahooooooooo!
June 7th, 2011
meh…
Just found out why I’ve not been feeling that well. The wound is infected. I am on more antibiotics and have another follow up medical appointment.
Like I said, meh…
At least I live in a time and place where there are antibiotics available that I can afford. This would be a rather unpleasant, but pretty certain, way to die otherwise.